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Founder's Section
Here's a little insight on the club's founding fathers... Jared- Jared grew up deep in the jungles of the Congo only befriending elephants. He has been fighting noobs since day 1. Because the dodgeball selection was limited in the Congo, Jared trained hard using coconuts and the hair off his back. After his best friend, Dumbo Mjawi, was shot down by poachers, Jared immediately stoned (threw rocks at until death) the poachers that committed such an awful crime. Upon returning to his best friend's body, he cut off his ivory tusks and fashioned them into a rowboat and oar. Later he learned that ivory does not float. Stuck in the middle of the ocean, he was picked up by some fisherman, and brought back to Florida, where his distant relatives took him in. After hearing about it on the news, his father called in from Cuba demanding to see his son Jared again. Bewildered and confused, Jared tried to avoid society by joining a dodgeball dojo off the coast of China. He returned many years later...as a man. Here is what Jared has to say: My entire life I knew I had a purpose. Obviously, my purpose was to throw a dodgeball. I don't mean to sound like a robot or a noob or anything, but the best way to think about the sport is through Halo. You're out there to get as many kills as possible, no joke. If you can't take the pain, you either get a better defense shield, or quit. Besides, decent shields are hard to find nowadays. But seriously, if you're not out there busting your butt or sweating like a grease monkey, just leave the gym. It's like trying to get to the next level by avoiding contact with the enemy. There are two things I hate in the game of D-ball: 1) Kids that stay against the wall the entire time 2) Kids that get out and then come back in with a different shirt on (Paul--no worries, you're okay!). One more thing, get Fitness Made Simple with fitness celebrity John Basedow, and read the dictionary, because we like to break a mental sweat too!
Rowley The tale of Rowley Danger Coffin Amato is long and impossible to elaborate on, but we will do the best we can. Legend has it he was born in the Montanan wilderness riding a smilodon (that's a saber toothed tiger for all you knuckle heads out there!) with a dodgeball in one hand, a fiery, bloody guitar in the other, a knife sticking out of his pecs, and a mutant crocodile gnawing on his leg. His parents were part of a traveling circus, and Rowley's mother gave birth to him in the woods after their show in Billings. Both his parents were killed by bandits and he was taken in by the mysterious Blackfoot people and learned their ways. He was trained to kill an elk at 567,386 paces with a dodgeball, start a fire with his slacks, and become a master at starcraft with the terran race. Soon he travelled to New York and met Jared Katz, a fellow orphan. Together along with two other gentlemen, Sean Albin and Javier Alvarez, they created the Dodgeball Club. What he lacks in "emotions" and other womanly qualities he makes up for in kicking ass with his best friend Clint Eastwood, kicking ass with a Dodgeball, and training his favorite Pokémon Snorlax. But he has one weakness... girls! Sike! His real weakness is that he doesn't have one. On dodgeball: "Simply put, Dodgeball is a way of life. Nothing can compare to getting dirty with the blood, sweat, and tears of the Enemy while you mercilessly fire balls at them. Boy, I remember the last game I played, there was this little firstie named Paul. Pfff! After he got out, he tried to get back in by putting on a hat and a jacket. I taught him a lesson, if you know what I mean! I'll spare the details and just say a gecko, a tub of cool whip, and a trip to the circus was involved."
Sean Sean was born to a wealthy family but saw his parents brutally murdered by dodgeball wielding ninjas at the age of 5. From then on he devoted his life to crime fighting and kick-assery. He spent his childhood honing his skills in the far east with that guy from Gremlins (if this sounds like the plot to batman begins it is only because Sean was brought up not to believe in copyright infringement). After training with (and killing) his mentor Sean used his super-power of perswaytion and polite conversion to trick Thomas Edison into building a time machine to the time of the Oregon trail (where Sean teh pwned n00bs for like 8 years). Sean was forced to return to his own time when he developed a bad case of ibs from eating to many covered wagons. Upon returning to his own time Sean continued to pwn n00bs at dodgeball (as well as runescape) and pursued a career as a fitness guru in the likes of John Basedow. Algonquin legend has it that Sean's 8 abs fell from his body and formed the 8 continents (Sean considers Long Island a continent. In conclusion, while Sean has been indirectly linked to 7,890 dodgeball related deaths, he also enjoys puzzle solving and drinking coco in his spare time. Here's what Sean has to say: "While Oregon trail I wanted to get to Willemette so bad, that i didn't even stop at Fort Walla Walla to get a new ox and bury Beth because she drowned on one of the many rivers. One time one of my oxen got lost and it only took me one day to find it. One time I came down with polio and I only had to rest for 2 days. In conclusion, I defeated the scarecrow and got to Oregon with my booty intact."
Javi I suppose one could say that Javier is similar to Edmund in "The Lion, The Witch, and The Wardrobe" or Salazar Slytherin, one of the founders of Hogwarts School For Witchcraft and Wizardry. That is, his negativity seems to overshadow the fact that he is in fact, one of the founding fathers of the club. Javi really is not that bad, his rough childhood certainly was a factor in the man he became today. Javi was always a dodgeball fighter. Whether he was on a job or escaping from the popo's he always found the time to throw rocks, or a piece of cabbage. After escaping from George Washington school for Juvenile Delinquents he escaped to Canada and joined the peace core and played on their championship dodgeball team. After wandering the world trying to find himself, he settled in India to become a monk of the International Dodgeball Monastery, but he soon betrayed his fellow monks by massacring the entire school. On the verge of tears, he left and travelled to Los Angeles as an aspiring actor on the hit sitcom According to Jim. Never giving up his love for the game, he grew tired of the acting gig and went on a cross-country tour and met some interesting fellas and got into some wacky adventures with his copilot and friend Clyde, the orangutan from "Any Which Way You Can". To make a long story short, he started a Dodgeball club with Rowley, Jared, and Sean. But we can't elaborate on that part of the story.Heres what Javi has to say!: "Que?"
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Last update: Friday, January 20, 2006 at 11:06:43 AM. This site is using the Vanilla Manila 1999 theme. |
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